Broken Hearts and Numb Emotions

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 

~Psalm 147: 3

Today's been weird.

This weekend I discovered this awesome artist by the name of Danni Cassette and her cover of Frank Ocean's "Thinkin' 'Bout You" has me shook.

I remember feeling that "comfortable" in "love"...that "uncomfortable" too.

But I'm still in my "can't-trust-it" phase.

I let my new prospect-type know this this weekend. His reply? "I'll wait for you because you're worth it."

Honestly, I giggled and blushed at the text. Inside? Like, later? I rolled my eyes and huffed and puffed....my huffing and puffing got even more real when I got another letter from my former fiance/ current jail bird Ajani.

He, it, we, whatever that shit was, was the one time that I actually felt reeeeeeeally secure in a relationship, and my security got breached. I got made a fool of and I got hurt.

I'm in "once-burned-twice-shy" mode right now...and I feel a little numb inside. Not dead. Just numb. 

Ajani and I had an "I jump you jump" kind of theme going on in our letters...I guess like Rose was when she was floating in the middle of an arctic sea, I too am numb, because dammit, I jumped and he didn't....even though he says he did.

I'm just not at the point where I can trust....bad/sad thing is, I know this isn't new guy's fault...but he will share the blame.

...and I don't feel terrible about it. I mean, it's only natural to be cautious...hell, not being cautious in my past is the thing that's gotten me in trouble. 

Time for something new. 

Spine Labels: Another Lesson from the Library

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

~ Romans 12:2

So, I'm a librarian.

This means that I do things that librarians do...and some things I had NO idea that librarians do.

Like change spine labels on books.

You know spine labels. They have the Dewey decimal number on them or the author's name and the type of book it is -- fiction, biography, young adult, etc.

These labels help you locate a book.

These labels are also purposed to let you make a generalization about the contents of the book without having to open it or even look at its cover.

Just by knowing the spine label is, say, 782.12 a passerby can know that that particular book is about vocal music.

841? French poetry.

305? Social groups. (There are a ton of those books!)

963? General history of Ethiopia.

But sometimes, these books get mislabeled. This happens for a variety of reasons.

Perhaps the general topic doesn't quite match up with the way the book is written. Maybe it's a picture book, but it's about immigration. Now it qualifies for two different sections.

How about a graphic novel about a real life person that's set during the Holocaust? Well now it qualifies for three sections.

Poetry book about pets? ...well, you get my drift.

The cool thing about being a librarian is that if you take a closer look at a book and feel it doesn't "belong" within its label, you get to reclassify it.

I feel like the same is true with God: How He sees us vs. How the world sees us vs. How we see ourselves.

The world may label you one thing. You may see yourself as another. But God knows every page of you. 

If truth be told, we all defy all the labels -- and titles -- we try to stick on ourselves and others. At our core, each of us is just a big ol' bundle of mess...but He loves us anyhow.
 
And while we're down here, busying ourselves with classification -- black, white, rich, poor, hippie, square --  it feels good to know that He knows that we only need one label: His.