Show Me The Trust!!!

“I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”
~ Psalm 91:2

So, my parents have every single channel known to man on their satellite and today, on Encore Love, Jerry Maguire has been playing every four hours or so.I'm watching it now.

It reminds me of how love and trust must co-exist.

The Inmate earned my trust.

We often alluded to movies in our letters: A Bronx Tale (the quasi-classic "unlock the door or dump her" scene), Titanic ("I jump, you jump." He was Jack. I was Rose.) and, Jerry Maguire.

Stupid. I know. But it felt so right.

So, as I -- like, right now -- watch the "You complete me....You had me at 'Hello'" scene that we alluded to once ...I have this to say: "Fuck you."

...that was to Anthony. :o)

And I also have this to say: "Love, real love, can not exist without trust."

Oh! And with the above quote in mind (The love quote, not the fuck you thing.), I can't help but to laugh. Why? Well, because I keep picturing one of those trust exercises that companies make you do on team-building retreats. The exact one I'm thinking of is the one where you fall back into the arms of your co-workers

I'm envisioning the idiot who falls back and no one catches him.

I can hear the thud....and it's making me smile because that's me.

My parents are funny & they don't even try

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting. ~Job 18:11

I think I need to start another Twitter account.
A friend/former-co-worker introduced me to Ghetto Hikes. The creator says; "I'm 28. I have a full time job leading urban kids on nature hikes. I simply write down shit they say."

Some of my favorite tweets are:
-"Mr. Cody, pacifically what you mean when you say there wild animals up in here?"
-"Ernesto know all about plants n' fungi n' shit, his mama work at Subway."
-"Yo, how many stars up in here? Next time we campin' i'mma bring me a microscope, peep me some space."

He has nearly 306,000 followers.

So, my idea? "I Don't Think They Know", or "Parentally-Improper" , a Twitter account about all of the unintentionally hilarious, sexual innuendo-laced comments that my mom and dad say around the house and things they do.

For instance:
- "Open it up and see if you smell the nuts." (We were making granola.)
- "I like the bones...I really like the bones." (Mama was talking about chicken.)
- "I'mma get your daddy's meat." (Mama was talking about bacon.)

And today my mom basically jizzed on me with Glade warmer oil. It landed on my stomach and was warm....yeah. And just a minute ago as I hanged a painting, using daddy's power drill, mama said, "You're in a hurry to screw." Ha!

I think I might do this whole thing. These old people have me cracking up, and I feel the need to share.

Express Yo'self! (Kudos KC)

...whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

~ 1 Corinthians 10:31

I've been so blesssed to be able to experience all kinds of creative juices from various vines as of late.

Me, mama and daddy went to see Ladysmith Black Mambazo last night at the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts nd it was PHENOMENAL!!!!! I love their voices, their dances, their spirits. It was amazing....and KC? Kudos. BIG! Kudos. The Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts is crazy-adorably architectural. And the sound?!? Crazy awesome.

Oh, and let me back up. A few weeks ago I went to the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art's Romare Bearden exhibit. It was gorgeous and I even took a few pictures before the museum folks told me that they weren't allowed. He's one of my favorite artists. (*fist up*)

Then, fast forward to today and I volunteered to chaperone the kids on a trip to Kansas City's Union Station for Tavis Smiley's America I Am exhibit. The kids behaved very well and the exhibit was full of historical tidbits and had an amazing visual layout. The biggest surprise? (lol) If I had to compare my new kids' behavior to my old kids' behavior, I would have to say that my old kids have the new kids beat. :o) ...that makes me proud.

...and it also makes me realize that colored kids have GOT to be exposed to more than just the classroom. I swear, there is a direct correlation between where kids have been -- geographically and culturally -- and where they think they can go -- like, in life.

...just a miltant thought to round out this "cultural" blog post.

Thieves In The Temple

Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed...There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.
~1 Corinthians 12:1 & 4 (NIV)

So, for the past week there's been a HUGE drama unfolding at my parents' church: There's a raccoon -- or perhaps a family of them -- tearing up the attic.

This is HIGH-larious for the following reasons:

1. One of the deacons fell off the ladder.
2. Daddy said the following about the size of the raccoon they caught last night: "Maaaan, it looked like a dawg!"
3. The raccoon they caught the other day escaped from the cage.
4. The raccoon they caught the other day escaped from the cage right before daddy could shoot it.
5. Another of the deacons just called -- 9 a.m. on a Saturday -- to tell daddy that they caught another one last night.
...daddy just left with his gun.

Wednesdays Off

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
~Psalms 23:1 - 2

This is my third week of "work" as a librarian...and I am LOVING IT!
After nearly 3 years of hell, day in and day out, as an English teacher at a dysfunctional charter school, I have made it to my green pasture.

My schedule is awesome. Wednesdays off is just one of the perks:
My lunch break is an ENTIRE HOUR!!!!
I don't report to work until 8:30 a.m. on Tuesdays and I'm done at 2:30 p.m.
Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays I report at 7 a.m., leave at 3 p.m. ....and did I mention the hour-long lunch break?
Full benefits....Glo-raaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
I check in books, check out books, mentor a few kids in journalism (an extra duty I decided to take on), find books, gather research materials for teachers and deliver books...and get this, they PAY ME for it!

God is truly good aaaaaall the time...and all the time God is good.

The crazy thing is that at first, I felt bad about how awesome this job is and how much I enjoy it. I mean, leave it up to me to feel bad about not being stressed for once in my life as it relates to my job. (SMH) But, like Psalms 23:2 says, sometimes God has to "make you" lie down in the green pastures He's provided for you.

I'm sure glad he made me do it.

Ain't No Half-Steppin'!

If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. ~ Numbers 30:2
So, I've kept three of my 4 New Year's Resolutions and it's the 17th of January. Who says miracles don't happen?!
My resolutions? Well, one was to take better care of my skin. I'm 30 now. So it's all about one word: Moisturize! And I've done that consistently night and day...I've gone through half a tub of Vaseline and a tube of something from Mary Kay in the process, but I'm none-the-worse for wear.
Another one? Exercising. I've done two days on and one day off consistently for two weeks and I've lost 4 pounds. I didn't have a baseline for inch measurements, but I will by Sunday. (Go me!)
The third? To write a poem every month. I've really gotten out of practice lately and it's time for me to step up my creative expressions, especially now while I have the time (more on this in another post).
So, I keep getting letters of lies from that bastard on Da' Row (lol) and every now and then, it pisses me off....like tonight. So, even though he's not worth the ink, time, nor effort (...and I swear I'm going to stop writing about this idiot VERY soon...like, this is the last of it.) I wrote a poem about it....and here it goes.
It's called "Thanks"
I’m writing this to simply say thank you.
Thank you for ruining the allure of Sade and making me realize that there may be metacosmic meaning behind the fact that my copy of Aretha Franklin’s “Natural Woman” skips every time she sings about her soul in the lost-and-found.
Thank you.
Thank you for stripping away my insecurities just to layer on a new coat of them all, like a fixer-upper on the DIY channel. I realize that you are my Indian proverb, the metaphorical snake that I nurtured back to health in the home of my heart, knowing that, one day, your nature would get the best of you and I’d be bitten.
I was smitten.
Thank you.
Thank you for the empty words that I filled with feeling, hopes, dreams and meaning, fairy tales of no more failed relationships, singing soulful songs of soul-mating, masturbating to make-believe, cuming to conclusions that this, you, us, we, were the end of my dating days.
Thank you for the awakening.
I truly thank you, because as rude as that awakening was, it seemed polite in principle. Like a shotgun blast to the back of the head of a peacefully slumbering infant, you ended my dreams as well as my nightmares simultaneously, leaving only pieces of me.
…so thank you.

White People and White Stuff...everywhere

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

~ Proverbs 3:5

Two things:

1. It snowed and I had to drive in it. I haven't had to drive in snow in 12 years. It was weird.

Even weirder? The fact that we didn't get snow in Kansas until this week.

2. I went to my Big Brothers/Big Sisters orientation meeting the other day. Why was I the only black person there? Like, really? ...Black people? We have got to do better.

21 Questions...about Crime and Punishment

Then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment

~2 Peter 2:9

I'll be honest: If I could, I would personally insert the needle into that muthafucka's arm to administer every single chemical that causes a termination of life in regards to the justice system's administration of the death penalty.

...just saying.

I'm not a liar.

In the past two weeks or so I have had a police officer (who called me daily and talked about "love and happiness" and "real connections" but who, I later found out, has THREE different aliases that he gives women) AND a death row inmate (I have more than 150 pages of written lies from more than a year's worth of correspondence from this rat bastard) to me about their marital status while they acted as if they were interested in me.

This don't say shit about my self worth, but most definitely speaks volumes about these fools' morals.

...quite simply, they are fucked up individuals.

Period.

So, in response to the death row inmates/ex-fiance' trying to (POORLY!) explain his "real intentions", I have two responses.

1) 21 questions

2) A good dose of "lettin' alone"

Here are the questions:

1. Have you really found the Lord?

2. How did you all meet?

3. When did you all meet?

4. How often do you write her?

5. Why does she know about me, but I don't know about her?

6. How do/did you know she and I talked?

7. Why is she claiming to be your wife?

8. Do you tell her the same things you tell me?

9. Why did you continue writing me when I asked about staying in contact after school ended?

10. Is she your soul mate?

11. How many times has she visited you?

12. What is your relationship with her (past, present, future)?

13. Do you have romantic feelings for her?

14. How do you feel about her?

15. Have you proposed to her?

16. How many other women do you write to?

17. How many other women have you proposed to?

18. How many other women are you in love with/told that you love them?

19. How many other women are your soul mate?

20. How many other women are there?

21. Why did you feel you had to lie?

...at the risk of sounding melodramatic (I just finished watching Mommy Dearest) I'd have to say that the death row inmate's greatest crime was not one of written law, but a crime of the heart, for he, quite possibly, killed my ability to love, to feel.