The Sky Is NOT the Limit

God said, “Let there be lights in the dome of the sky to separate the day from the night. They will mark events, sacred seasons, days, and years. They will be lights in the dome of the sky to shine on the earth.” And that’s what happened.

~ Genesis 1:14-15 

So, when I die, I know exactly what I'm going to say to Jesus.

First I'm going to tell him "Thank you, like....for realz." And then I'm going to ask Him for a favor: "Can you show me around?"

There's this old school Gospel song called "Walk Around Heaven All Day".

Well when I read Genesis 1:14-15, I realized just how big, awesome, endless, spectacular ...and old the universe must be....that's a lot of walking. So I'm going to ask for a flight tour.

God created it on the fourth day of creation....that's a long time ago....and that's a lot of Heaven.

Sunday, I just so happened to stumble across a show called "The Universe". I usually shy away from these kind of shows because they usually try to diss Jesus and I'm not down with that.

But this one? Oh my God....literally! Did you know that there are -- at least -- tens of thousands of different galaxies in the universe?

The host gave viewers a closer look at some shot that some hubble-somehting-or-other took. In the space where he placed his thumb -- upon closer magnification -- scientists say they can identify more than a dozen systems/galaxies....HOW FRIGGIN' GREAT IS OUR GOD!!!!

So, for real, I want to see that. I want to fly around and take it all in -- the pictures of space (all of the new parts that scientists had no idea existed) are already soooo awesome, I can't wait to see all that we DON'T know.

...and that's another thing I love about my God's universe: It's the ONE THING that scientists ADMIT that they don't know a spit-in-the-ocean's worth about.

Ha!

That totally makes me smile.

Oh no you just didn't!!!!

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.

~ Galatians 6:7

I have got to be one of the LEAST prudish people I know...but, maybe like LaShun Pace sang, "I know I've been changed."

Case in point, this song "Amen" by Meek Mill.

I mean, a little organ music in your secular song?

No problem. I mean, I am an '80's baby so "Faith" by George Michael was my jam.

A little church-feeling chord or two in your song about courtin' a young lady?

Once again, noooo problem. (Thanks Ray Charles!)

A little organ music and a churchy-feeling hook in rap song about sexual debauchery, getting drunk and worshiping money? Eh. Do you boo.

But to use "Amen" as a title of such a song? And to holler "Church!" and "Preach!" throughout such a song? And to "Thank God" for all the "bad bitches" and "real niggas" in the building?

To express myself in a Christian manner, I would have to say that "I am offended."

To express my sentiment in a more secular manner -- perhaps this manner might be better understood by the folks responsible for this song and the playing and popularity of this song -- "That's really f*cked up and you wrong for dat."

My worship of God is a huge part of my relationship with Him and I don't appreciate pieces of my workship being used so flippantly.

...Final thought: Whatever happened to real Hip Hop?

I almost forgot

The Lord your God is bringing you into a good land... thank the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.

~ Deuteronomy 8: 7 & 10 

There ain't nothing wrong with a little reminder every once and a while.

Like that old Gospel song says, "When I look back over my life and I think things over, I can truly say that I have been blessed I have a testimony!"

I almost forgot though.

I almost forgot that my life got threatened weekly at my job.

I almost forgot that I had to work hours upon hours upon hours during my weekend.

I almost forgot that I got cussed out and cussed at by children and grown folks Monday through Friday. (For a while I thought my first name was "Bitch" and my last name was "Be Trippin'.")

I almost forgot that I had thousands of papers to grade each month.

I almost forgot that the physical strains of the job put me in the emergency room.

I almost forgot about the thanklessness of the job, the desolation of my situation at the school I taught at in Baton Rouge.

So thank God for bringing it all back to my remembrance. I was organizing letters from the prisoner when I stumbled across a letter where he told me that I should be fitted for a Teflon vest due to the conditions at my school. Ha! A death row inmate telling me that I was in a dangerous situation.

Yeah. I almost forgot.

 

The children of Israel "almost forgot" how far God had brought them too. They'd gone from a land of slavery into a land of milk and honey, yet they almost forgot.

Thank God that I am now in a "good land". And because He has proven himself over and over and over again, I will continue to have faith in Him and make faith a verb.

Big MAN!!!!

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
~ 1 Samuel 16:7

I'm dating a morbidly obese man.

For the sake of this blog, he will be known only as "Big Man".

He's an angel. Really he is....but -- and not to sound vain because I KNOW that I have some issues that I need to work on -- there's just no spark.

In addition to the weight issue (He doesn't know how much he weighs, but after the divorce he started eating "comfort foods" and well, he went from large to "Cot damn!" I'd estimate that he's about 400 lbs....no bull.) there's also, well, "other things".

1) His hair. There is no reason why a 31 year old man should have braids. None. Whatsoever. Period. End of story. In my characteristically "me" way, I think, well, I know that I made it painfully obvious to him that the braids are not a personal favorite. He says he's cutting them next week. I was happy....but then there's...
2) His breath. He's even told me that he's overdue for a dentist visit....so, perhaps after that appointment, some of that will change...I hope.
3) ...well, hell. I guess "that's it".

I mean, honestly, like if I was to be mean, the weight could be numbers 1 - 25, but I digress.

I was once a big girl and so there's sympathy there...but then I have to think about this whole thing.

I know what it feels like to be someone's "option" and I totally don't want to do that to him. For real.

But in a way I feel "off the hook" for it because I told him from jump that I wasn't sure whether or not I was ready for a relationship. With that being said, he's since proclaimed that he's determined to win me over.

...I just don't know. Minus 225 pounds, plus a haircut and a dentist visit, we just might have something that's close to a spark....but hell, I've had the "wet matches" syndrome before (with a doctor!...a friggin' DOCTOR!!!) and even his status, his house, his Lexus and his involvement in church couldn't save that relationship.

Sparks are important...but time will tell.

In the end, regardless, I'll have to go with my heart.

Broken Hearts and Numb Emotions

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 

~Psalm 147: 3

Today's been weird.

This weekend I discovered this awesome artist by the name of Danni Cassette and her cover of Frank Ocean's "Thinkin' 'Bout You" has me shook.

I remember feeling that "comfortable" in "love"...that "uncomfortable" too.

But I'm still in my "can't-trust-it" phase.

I let my new prospect-type know this this weekend. His reply? "I'll wait for you because you're worth it."

Honestly, I giggled and blushed at the text. Inside? Like, later? I rolled my eyes and huffed and puffed....my huffing and puffing got even more real when I got another letter from my former fiance/ current jail bird Ajani.

He, it, we, whatever that shit was, was the one time that I actually felt reeeeeeeally secure in a relationship, and my security got breached. I got made a fool of and I got hurt.

I'm in "once-burned-twice-shy" mode right now...and I feel a little numb inside. Not dead. Just numb. 

Ajani and I had an "I jump you jump" kind of theme going on in our letters...I guess like Rose was when she was floating in the middle of an arctic sea, I too am numb, because dammit, I jumped and he didn't....even though he says he did.

I'm just not at the point where I can trust....bad/sad thing is, I know this isn't new guy's fault...but he will share the blame.

...and I don't feel terrible about it. I mean, it's only natural to be cautious...hell, not being cautious in my past is the thing that's gotten me in trouble. 

Time for something new. 

Spine Labels: Another Lesson from the Library

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

~ Romans 12:2

So, I'm a librarian.

This means that I do things that librarians do...and some things I had NO idea that librarians do.

Like change spine labels on books.

You know spine labels. They have the Dewey decimal number on them or the author's name and the type of book it is -- fiction, biography, young adult, etc.

These labels help you locate a book.

These labels are also purposed to let you make a generalization about the contents of the book without having to open it or even look at its cover.

Just by knowing the spine label is, say, 782.12 a passerby can know that that particular book is about vocal music.

841? French poetry.

305? Social groups. (There are a ton of those books!)

963? General history of Ethiopia.

But sometimes, these books get mislabeled. This happens for a variety of reasons.

Perhaps the general topic doesn't quite match up with the way the book is written. Maybe it's a picture book, but it's about immigration. Now it qualifies for two different sections.

How about a graphic novel about a real life person that's set during the Holocaust? Well now it qualifies for three sections.

Poetry book about pets? ...well, you get my drift.

The cool thing about being a librarian is that if you take a closer look at a book and feel it doesn't "belong" within its label, you get to reclassify it.

I feel like the same is true with God: How He sees us vs. How the world sees us vs. How we see ourselves.

The world may label you one thing. You may see yourself as another. But God knows every page of you. 

If truth be told, we all defy all the labels -- and titles -- we try to stick on ourselves and others. At our core, each of us is just a big ol' bundle of mess...but He loves us anyhow.
 
And while we're down here, busying ourselves with classification -- black, white, rich, poor, hippie, square --  it feels good to know that He knows that we only need one label: His. 

SECURITY!!!

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

My heart's been more than well-guarded these days.

I've got a fence -- electric.

Barbed wire.

A moat -- with Louisiana gators.

And a big ass dog to boot.

It's well-protected...but I'm wondering, lately, if I've got too much security.

This last relationship blow was like that "one good hit" that trainers warn veteran boxers about. You know, the "one" that could do you in, turn you blind, leave you in a vegetative state, make you lose your memory.

I'd been down, but I hadn't been out...until this last one. It packed enough of a punch to make me realize I needed to retire with my dignity, ya know, not go too too far past my prime.

Recently, I pretty much threw in the towel, and then don'tchaknowit, here comes another contender.

I'm wary.

Just when I got comfortable.

So, let's switch back to the "guard" metaphor: Here he goes, trying to breach security.

I don't want to let him in.

I'm supposed to be focused: Jesus, staying fit, finding a full-time gig, going to school.

That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less....and then here he comes swimming past the gators in my moat, cutting off the electricity to my fence and climbing that tall sumbitch.

I don't think he knows what he's in for.

That mean ol' dog is waiting for him.

Quite simply, I'm over the romantic love.

I just am. 

Today in church the married couples ministry did a two-step to Babyface's "Every Time I Close My Eyes".

As if we were at a wedding, somebody chimed in with 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails...

Can this apply to husband-wife love? 

Of course.

But Jesus is love. So every mention of "love" or "it" in the above passage can be replaced with the name "Jesus" ...and that right there -- not a man comin' a courtin' -- allows me to TRULY let my guard down.