The Sky Is NOT the Limit

God said, “Let there be lights in the dome of the sky to separate the day from the night. They will mark events, sacred seasons, days, and years. They will be lights in the dome of the sky to shine on the earth.” And that’s what happened.

~ Genesis 1:14-15 

So, when I die, I know exactly what I'm going to say to Jesus.

First I'm going to tell him "Thank you, like....for realz." And then I'm going to ask Him for a favor: "Can you show me around?"

There's this old school Gospel song called "Walk Around Heaven All Day".

Well when I read Genesis 1:14-15, I realized just how big, awesome, endless, spectacular ...and old the universe must be....that's a lot of walking. So I'm going to ask for a flight tour.

God created it on the fourth day of creation....that's a long time ago....and that's a lot of Heaven.

Sunday, I just so happened to stumble across a show called "The Universe". I usually shy away from these kind of shows because they usually try to diss Jesus and I'm not down with that.

But this one? Oh my God....literally! Did you know that there are -- at least -- tens of thousands of different galaxies in the universe?

The host gave viewers a closer look at some shot that some hubble-somehting-or-other took. In the space where he placed his thumb -- upon closer magnification -- scientists say they can identify more than a dozen systems/galaxies....HOW FRIGGIN' GREAT IS OUR GOD!!!!

So, for real, I want to see that. I want to fly around and take it all in -- the pictures of space (all of the new parts that scientists had no idea existed) are already soooo awesome, I can't wait to see all that we DON'T know.

...and that's another thing I love about my God's universe: It's the ONE THING that scientists ADMIT that they don't know a spit-in-the-ocean's worth about.

Ha!

That totally makes me smile.

Oh no you just didn't!!!!

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.

~ Galatians 6:7

I have got to be one of the LEAST prudish people I know...but, maybe like LaShun Pace sang, "I know I've been changed."

Case in point, this song "Amen" by Meek Mill.

I mean, a little organ music in your secular song?

No problem. I mean, I am an '80's baby so "Faith" by George Michael was my jam.

A little church-feeling chord or two in your song about courtin' a young lady?

Once again, noooo problem. (Thanks Ray Charles!)

A little organ music and a churchy-feeling hook in rap song about sexual debauchery, getting drunk and worshiping money? Eh. Do you boo.

But to use "Amen" as a title of such a song? And to holler "Church!" and "Preach!" throughout such a song? And to "Thank God" for all the "bad bitches" and "real niggas" in the building?

To express myself in a Christian manner, I would have to say that "I am offended."

To express my sentiment in a more secular manner -- perhaps this manner might be better understood by the folks responsible for this song and the playing and popularity of this song -- "That's really f*cked up and you wrong for dat."

My worship of God is a huge part of my relationship with Him and I don't appreciate pieces of my workship being used so flippantly.

...Final thought: Whatever happened to real Hip Hop?

I almost forgot

The Lord your God is bringing you into a good land... thank the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.

~ Deuteronomy 8: 7 & 10 

There ain't nothing wrong with a little reminder every once and a while.

Like that old Gospel song says, "When I look back over my life and I think things over, I can truly say that I have been blessed I have a testimony!"

I almost forgot though.

I almost forgot that my life got threatened weekly at my job.

I almost forgot that I had to work hours upon hours upon hours during my weekend.

I almost forgot that I got cussed out and cussed at by children and grown folks Monday through Friday. (For a while I thought my first name was "Bitch" and my last name was "Be Trippin'.")

I almost forgot that I had thousands of papers to grade each month.

I almost forgot that the physical strains of the job put me in the emergency room.

I almost forgot about the thanklessness of the job, the desolation of my situation at the school I taught at in Baton Rouge.

So thank God for bringing it all back to my remembrance. I was organizing letters from the prisoner when I stumbled across a letter where he told me that I should be fitted for a Teflon vest due to the conditions at my school. Ha! A death row inmate telling me that I was in a dangerous situation.

Yeah. I almost forgot.

 

The children of Israel "almost forgot" how far God had brought them too. They'd gone from a land of slavery into a land of milk and honey, yet they almost forgot.

Thank God that I am now in a "good land". And because He has proven himself over and over and over again, I will continue to have faith in Him and make faith a verb.

Big MAN!!!!

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
~ 1 Samuel 16:7

I'm dating a morbidly obese man.

For the sake of this blog, he will be known only as "Big Man".

He's an angel. Really he is....but -- and not to sound vain because I KNOW that I have some issues that I need to work on -- there's just no spark.

In addition to the weight issue (He doesn't know how much he weighs, but after the divorce he started eating "comfort foods" and well, he went from large to "Cot damn!" I'd estimate that he's about 400 lbs....no bull.) there's also, well, "other things".

1) His hair. There is no reason why a 31 year old man should have braids. None. Whatsoever. Period. End of story. In my characteristically "me" way, I think, well, I know that I made it painfully obvious to him that the braids are not a personal favorite. He says he's cutting them next week. I was happy....but then there's...
2) His breath. He's even told me that he's overdue for a dentist visit....so, perhaps after that appointment, some of that will change...I hope.
3) ...well, hell. I guess "that's it".

I mean, honestly, like if I was to be mean, the weight could be numbers 1 - 25, but I digress.

I was once a big girl and so there's sympathy there...but then I have to think about this whole thing.

I know what it feels like to be someone's "option" and I totally don't want to do that to him. For real.

But in a way I feel "off the hook" for it because I told him from jump that I wasn't sure whether or not I was ready for a relationship. With that being said, he's since proclaimed that he's determined to win me over.

...I just don't know. Minus 225 pounds, plus a haircut and a dentist visit, we just might have something that's close to a spark....but hell, I've had the "wet matches" syndrome before (with a doctor!...a friggin' DOCTOR!!!) and even his status, his house, his Lexus and his involvement in church couldn't save that relationship.

Sparks are important...but time will tell.

In the end, regardless, I'll have to go with my heart.

Broken Hearts and Numb Emotions

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 

~Psalm 147: 3

Today's been weird.

This weekend I discovered this awesome artist by the name of Danni Cassette and her cover of Frank Ocean's "Thinkin' 'Bout You" has me shook.

I remember feeling that "comfortable" in "love"...that "uncomfortable" too.

But I'm still in my "can't-trust-it" phase.

I let my new prospect-type know this this weekend. His reply? "I'll wait for you because you're worth it."

Honestly, I giggled and blushed at the text. Inside? Like, later? I rolled my eyes and huffed and puffed....my huffing and puffing got even more real when I got another letter from my former fiance/ current jail bird Ajani.

He, it, we, whatever that shit was, was the one time that I actually felt reeeeeeeally secure in a relationship, and my security got breached. I got made a fool of and I got hurt.

I'm in "once-burned-twice-shy" mode right now...and I feel a little numb inside. Not dead. Just numb. 

Ajani and I had an "I jump you jump" kind of theme going on in our letters...I guess like Rose was when she was floating in the middle of an arctic sea, I too am numb, because dammit, I jumped and he didn't....even though he says he did.

I'm just not at the point where I can trust....bad/sad thing is, I know this isn't new guy's fault...but he will share the blame.

...and I don't feel terrible about it. I mean, it's only natural to be cautious...hell, not being cautious in my past is the thing that's gotten me in trouble. 

Time for something new. 

Spine Labels: Another Lesson from the Library

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

~ Romans 12:2

So, I'm a librarian.

This means that I do things that librarians do...and some things I had NO idea that librarians do.

Like change spine labels on books.

You know spine labels. They have the Dewey decimal number on them or the author's name and the type of book it is -- fiction, biography, young adult, etc.

These labels help you locate a book.

These labels are also purposed to let you make a generalization about the contents of the book without having to open it or even look at its cover.

Just by knowing the spine label is, say, 782.12 a passerby can know that that particular book is about vocal music.

841? French poetry.

305? Social groups. (There are a ton of those books!)

963? General history of Ethiopia.

But sometimes, these books get mislabeled. This happens for a variety of reasons.

Perhaps the general topic doesn't quite match up with the way the book is written. Maybe it's a picture book, but it's about immigration. Now it qualifies for two different sections.

How about a graphic novel about a real life person that's set during the Holocaust? Well now it qualifies for three sections.

Poetry book about pets? ...well, you get my drift.

The cool thing about being a librarian is that if you take a closer look at a book and feel it doesn't "belong" within its label, you get to reclassify it.

I feel like the same is true with God: How He sees us vs. How the world sees us vs. How we see ourselves.

The world may label you one thing. You may see yourself as another. But God knows every page of you. 

If truth be told, we all defy all the labels -- and titles -- we try to stick on ourselves and others. At our core, each of us is just a big ol' bundle of mess...but He loves us anyhow.
 
And while we're down here, busying ourselves with classification -- black, white, rich, poor, hippie, square --  it feels good to know that He knows that we only need one label: His. 

SECURITY!!!

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

My heart's been more than well-guarded these days.

I've got a fence -- electric.

Barbed wire.

A moat -- with Louisiana gators.

And a big ass dog to boot.

It's well-protected...but I'm wondering, lately, if I've got too much security.

This last relationship blow was like that "one good hit" that trainers warn veteran boxers about. You know, the "one" that could do you in, turn you blind, leave you in a vegetative state, make you lose your memory.

I'd been down, but I hadn't been out...until this last one. It packed enough of a punch to make me realize I needed to retire with my dignity, ya know, not go too too far past my prime.

Recently, I pretty much threw in the towel, and then don'tchaknowit, here comes another contender.

I'm wary.

Just when I got comfortable.

So, let's switch back to the "guard" metaphor: Here he goes, trying to breach security.

I don't want to let him in.

I'm supposed to be focused: Jesus, staying fit, finding a full-time gig, going to school.

That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less....and then here he comes swimming past the gators in my moat, cutting off the electricity to my fence and climbing that tall sumbitch.

I don't think he knows what he's in for.

That mean ol' dog is waiting for him.

Quite simply, I'm over the romantic love.

I just am. 

Today in church the married couples ministry did a two-step to Babyface's "Every Time I Close My Eyes".

As if we were at a wedding, somebody chimed in with 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails...

Can this apply to husband-wife love? 

Of course.

But Jesus is love. So every mention of "love" or "it" in the above passage can be replaced with the name "Jesus" ...and that right there -- not a man comin' a courtin' -- allows me to TRULY let my guard down.

Best Laid Plans

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

~Jeremiah 29:11

I found this link, just like,  ummm, 5 seconds ago.

I browsed it....and then I rejected it.

If there's anything that I know about life -- at age 30, it is this: F*ck yo plans and roll with the flow.

Seriously.

Goals are great. Really they are. But, this society has a way of making you hate yourself simply because you set a goal, a mile marker, a sign post, for a certain age, a certain location, a certain "way" of being by a certain "whatever"...and when you don't "meet" it, when life throws you unexpected blows and detours and surprises and happiness that you never thought would happen, blows and detours and surprises and happiness that you have to adjust for, adjust to, move around and work with...well, that's when links like this, from publications like this, written by people that you obviously don't know and therefore should NOT care about try to make you feel bad about the fact that, eh, you missed your pre-measured mark.

But guess what!

It's OK.

My pastor in Tampa said something that I'll always remember, something that really sticks to my spiritual ribs, especially after I view links like the one above: "You may not know when, you may not know why, you may not know how, you may not know what, you may not know where....but as long as you know Who, well, it'll be all right."

:o)

And I believe that God sent my nephew into my life to teach me additional spiritual lessons. His teacher gave him homework about symmetry while I was in Chicago.

I thought to show him how to make snowflakes.

He told me this: "Do you know that every snowflake is different? None are the same."

I told him that I did indeed know that, and that snowflakes, are like people: individual.

So if crystallized water is "cool" enough for each  and every last one of them to be different, who the hell is the HuffingtonPost to tell me that my life should fit inside of a box that they created?

Yeah. I think not.

Eve: Round II

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,(except for that one).
~ Genesis 3:1 - 2

I'm Eve y'all. I just recently realized it.

Boasting solely in God and His goodness, I have to say that my life and experiences have been AMAZING! The places I've lived, the people I've met, the things I've accomplished...but, I have to admit: for a large part of my life, I've still been unhappy because I didn't have a 'real' boyfriend and have never been close to marriage.

My situation runs parallel to the foolishness that Eve got herself into.

As Ephesians 6:12 states,"we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

And just like he did with Eve, that damned dirty devil's been trying to start a fight.

That damned dirty devil had the nerve to get in her head and make her think that she should be ungrateful because God didn't want her eating from one, ONE, of the trees in the garden. This hefa had a kazillion kabillion million shillion trees to eat from and enjoy, but she was worried, concerned, and even "mad" at God because He told her to leave ONE of those trees alone for her own good.

Just like Eve, I've been conversing with the devil for far too long. He's been in my head and in my spirit, trying to convince me that I'm worthless -- or worth less -- because I'm single at 30.

Here I've been, for 30 years, eating from the kazillion kabillion million shillion trees and having the nerve to keep looking at that ONE tree -- with the relationship fruit -- and being ungrateful for aaaaall of the other fruits that have come to me in their season from phenomenally tasty, delicious and plentiful trees.

So, my new mantra -- because I know me :o) -- is "All the trees in the garden..." (I'm leaving the "except for that one" part out in order to help me focus on all I DO have.)

Which leads me to a conversation I had with my mom a few days ago. She -- out of the blue -- asked me: "Have you been praying for a husband?"

I wanted to smack her. Instead, I said, "I'm not really focusing on that right now."

Her reply? "Well, I don't care what he looks like or where he comes from as long as he loves God and has good character."

WTF?

You see how that damned dirty devil can try to sneak up on you? Even taking the form of seemingly good-intentioned relatives.

Ten Things I'm Thankful For....today

Oh give thanks to the LORD, call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples.
~1 Chronicles 16:8

So, today's song selection of thankfulness is "Blessing Me" by Bishop Larry Trotter.

....and here are ten of the things I'm thankful to God for today....

1. I realized how awesome it is to have running water. (Watched a UNICEF ad...)
2. Crawfish. Tonight's episode of Swamp People had me reminiscing like crazy over my bayou summers.

3. Literacy. You'd be surprised how many people just can not read.
4. Shea Butter. I love what it does to my natural hair and it smells amazing.
5. Not being in jail. With this Zimmerman thing, First 48 doing some quasi-marathon and my "prisoner friend" writing me, I realize a) how many times I could've/should've gotten arrested but didn't and b) how great freedom is.
6. Rain. As soon as I walked outside after work today, the sky opened up. And, in a nod to the immortal words of that little boy from The Color Purple; "It rained on my head" and it was the epitome of rejuvenation.
7. Students like Bobbi. There's this senior at the high school I where I work and she's great. She's a big girl with even bigger confidence and decent writing ability. I offered to help the entire journalism class -- two classes actually -- and she's the only one who's taken me up on it....and get this, she's appreciative! *clutch the pearls*
8. Financial stability. I'm coming out of a storm of identity theft y'all. This boy stole my check card information and used it to steal a ton of money. Well, praise God, I've got a police report filed, all of my money back, and new credit cards (They came in the mail today.) I also went ahead and took this opportunity to cancel my Best Buy credit card.
9. My boss. She's the first boss I can truly say that I like. She's doing all she can to make sure that my temporary assistant position turns into a permanent position next year and she gives me kudos for a job well done aaaaaall the time. This is the first time I've truly felt appreciated at a job.
10. Dad's headphones. They help you hear all of these little, intricate parts of songs that you love, parts that -- regardless of how many times you've heard the song -- you may have never listened to before. And in that same vein, I thank God for my sense of hearing. <= That's #11

Diamond in the Back...

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

Like William DeVaughn said, I'm going to be thankful for what I've got.

The Lord spoke to me one day while I was closing up the library at work.

I realized that my current position was a 180-degree turn from the hellacious situation I was in just a few months ago.

Is it where I thought I'd be? Nope.

Is it where God wants me to be? Yep.

Long story short, KU's not happening any time soon for a few reasons.

1. They won't let me pay in-state tuition until I've lived in Kansas for a year. (Out-of-state tuition is twice the amount of in-state.)
2. Even though I've been accepted into the PhD program, I'll need another year and a half of CERTIFIED teaching before the PhD will matter towards my goal of becoming a principal.

So, Plan B: Librarian certification.

My new career equation is:

Librarian Certification + Teacher Certification = (Teacher salary + teacher benefits) x All kinds of opportunities

...I'll keep y'all updated on all of that.

In the meantime, I've realized that I need to be more grateful for God's preparation: all that He's done, doing and will do to make me into the person -- with the impact and the purpose -- that He wants me to be.

So, I'm basically bitch-slapping myself with remembrances of the many many many blessings that God's given me, provided me and covered me with since birth....

Like Daryl Coley said, "I can't tell it all"....but dammit, I'mma try.

Here are 10....and I make my boast in the Lord. I didn't do any of these things. He blessed me to allow them to happen.

1. I was born with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. My mother, a special education teacher, had numerous children in her classroom who were born the same way. Due to the lack of oxygen, I should've been mentally handicapped but the Lord didn't see fit.
2. My nephew.
3. My master's degree. I had it listed on my bucket list ever since I graduated -- with honors -- with my bachelor's degree. The Lord got that for me for FREE! (Glo-raaaaaay!!!!)
4. I no longer smoke.
5. My Grandma Minnie. She's a STRONG black woman in every sense of the word, and my role model.
6. My car is paid off.
7. My "Little Sister" Simphony.
8. My life....I've nearly died at least 3 times that I'm aware of, but the Lord didn't see it fit.
9. My teaching career. Despite the haters, or maybe because of them, I made a tangible impact on the lives of dozens of children.
10. My writing ability. Poetry, storytelling, blogging, making folks laugh. It's what I do.

Whoops! Almost got lost.

...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith...Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
~ Hebrews 12: 1 - 3

Thank God that I serve a God of "second chances"....second chances times infinity!

I'll spare the details, but...I don't know. I guess I was going on a mental, physical and spiritual trip down Memory Lane and, somehow, I forgot that Memory Lane is a pretty bad road to go down.

I've been there before. I've seen its perils, its dips and potholes, the tumultuous terrain...and yet I decided to make a left when I knew I was going in the wrong direction and needed to stay "right".

Wow....well, I've corrected my path with God's help -- His rod and staff, they comfort me...that's the rod of CORRECTION and the staff of GUIDANCE.

So, yeah, I've been getting whooped up on these past few weeks, but Jesus was just beating my butt to show me that He loves me. And now, it's time to throw off all things that hinder and (especially) the sin that oh so easily entangles.

With Jesus as my compass, I'll never get truly lost...and thank God for a Spiritual Daddy who'll always come and bring my dumb ass home.

Photo-A-Day Challenge Catch Up

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
~ Joshua 1:9

I'm emotionally exhausted.

Tired of muthafuckas thinking that 1998, 2005, or even 2010 me is the same me that stands here on Feb. 6, 2012.

*eye roll* Whatever.

I'm trying to chill. Trying not to cry and trying to play catch up on my Photo-A-Day Challenge, so here goes....

Dinner - Leftover chili










My Handwriting - daily planner










From below - Stairwell at school







High up - Stairwell at school

Photo-A-Day Challenge Feb. 4

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ...Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly...
1 Corinthians 9: 24, 26

I am dedicated to doing this picture a day thing y'all. I swear. Right now, I'm a day behind, but that will be remedied shortly. Until then, here are today's entries.


A Stranger -- This is no stranger. I know that this is Nina Simone. I know her...well, technically I don't "know her" know her, therefore she is a stranger....and I stumbled across this video of her today so I took a picture. Beautiful.










Feet -- This shot actually takes care of a Feb. 3 picture too (Where I Slept).

The Letter -- This is the letter that made me angry. It's from Anthony, the Death Row inmate and former-future Mr. "Mine". I crumpled it up when I read it. That was weeks ago, but I still saved it.

Old School Black History Crushes

For inquire, please, of bygone ages, and consider what the fathers have searched out. For we are but of yesterday and know nothing, for our days on earth are a shadow.

Job 8:8-10 ESV

OK, so, just because someone is historical does not mean that they weren't also fine as hell. Scientific studies have proven that great achievers are often times -- if not most of the time -- fine as hell.

I guess it's easier to follow someone if they've also got a nice ass....ha! Just playin'. I crack myself up.

Anyhoo, here are a few of my old school Black History crushes -- sexy intellectuals who had, dare I say it, "swag".

*Disclaimer -- This blog entry is in no way meant to delude the amazing, history-changing achievements of these men. I'm simply saying that while they were trailblazing, that, if I had been around, they would've GOT IT!

Malcolm X -- I mean, he is kind of a given, don't you think? Denzel's fine self played him in the Spike Lee joint....'nuff said. Clawdhavmercy! Oh, and there's nothing better than a reformed thug. Tupac done spoiled me, y'all. I still have an infatuation with the "thug".
Frederick Douglass -- As a youngin' he had that Maxwell vibe with the hair. And, side note, I love a strong nose on a man. (Tasty!)...
And as an older, distinguished gentleman, he had that Black Sean Connery. Not to mention, he was a former slave. That means a few things: 1) He had a strong back and 2) He had a lot of pent-up aggression....marinate on that for a minute.
Booker T. Washington -- From what I've read, honestly, he sounds like a BIT of a mismogynistic asshole, but, still, he also looked delicious. And, I don't know what it is, but sometimes, an adversarial stance on issues is a huge turn on for me. (He's also got a strong nose....like a lion!)

*Fanning self* Wooo! Umm, I think I'mma have to leave this blog alone. In the words of Grandma Klump; I'm "getting my own self hot telling this story".

P.S. -- I'll update my Photo-A-Day for Feb. 3, later today....or maybe Monday. Thing is, I had a really cool picture for the "Up High" assignment, but I took it on my camera when I didn't have the memory stick in and now I can't figure out how to get it out of the camera, so...yeah, I'll just wait til Monday to retake the daggum picture. :o)

Photo-A-Day Challenge: Feb. 2

All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. ~ John 1:3

No. 1 - "Hands" - I now wear this ring on the wrong hand and the wrong finger because I almost married the WRONG man.


No. 2 - "View Through My Window" - The trees may be bare wintry, but the weather lately has been springy.


No. 3 - "Words" - Now that I'm a librarian, I loves me some books, even more than I used to. The best thing about my school right now is that we're restocking our shelves which means getting rid of a lot of books. I've been taking everything that has to do with black folks. Here are some of my selections.

Sorry, Jesus

Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD. ~ Leviticus 19:28

So, I got my tattoo addition today. It's amazing.

I do this every few years or so -- add a little to the big ol' tat on my ass...or, as my dad refers to it: my "hip". LOL.

I kind of cheated though: took some pain pills before I went. It made for an AWESOME experience.

Since I'm (involuntarily) celibate and have been since Labor Day (a touch bit ironic, huh?) I find myself needing some kind -- hell, ANY kind -- of stimulation. A tattoo needle definitely suffices.

I'm pleased...in fact, I love it.

And while we're speaking of things that are not of God -- tattoos, fornication, the mind being taken over by the sultry spirit of lust (Wooo lawdhavmercy!): Damn Don...Oh, and happy first day of Black History Month.

Photo-A-Day Challenge: Feb. 1

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. ~ Psalm 37:4

My job rocks.

My schedule kicks boo-tay!

Which is allowing me all kinds of time for creative outlets.

1. Poetry
2. Writing "my book" (I've got two pages written so far.)
3. The Photo-A-Day Challenge

I have decided to do three different lists for the photo-a-day challenge.

Since we are just about 15 minutes into the first day of February, I thought I'd go ahead and do my first three picture "requirements" from the various lists I selected.

~ Self-portrait: At 5 p.m. today I'm getting an addition to my tattoo. It's going up up UP! This is a verrrrrry close up picture of the section I'm adding to.


~ Red: Literal interpretation & my AIDS ribbon. Feb. 7 is Black AIDS Awareness Day.


~ My view: I'm watching In Living Color and I'm loving it! and, my To Do List for today.

Show Me The Trust!!!

“I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”
~ Psalm 91:2

So, my parents have every single channel known to man on their satellite and today, on Encore Love, Jerry Maguire has been playing every four hours or so.I'm watching it now.

It reminds me of how love and trust must co-exist.

The Inmate earned my trust.

We often alluded to movies in our letters: A Bronx Tale (the quasi-classic "unlock the door or dump her" scene), Titanic ("I jump, you jump." He was Jack. I was Rose.) and, Jerry Maguire.

Stupid. I know. But it felt so right.

So, as I -- like, right now -- watch the "You complete me....You had me at 'Hello'" scene that we alluded to once ...I have this to say: "Fuck you."

...that was to Anthony. :o)

And I also have this to say: "Love, real love, can not exist without trust."

Oh! And with the above quote in mind (The love quote, not the fuck you thing.), I can't help but to laugh. Why? Well, because I keep picturing one of those trust exercises that companies make you do on team-building retreats. The exact one I'm thinking of is the one where you fall back into the arms of your co-workers

I'm envisioning the idiot who falls back and no one catches him.

I can hear the thud....and it's making me smile because that's me.

My parents are funny & they don't even try

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting. ~Job 18:11

I think I need to start another Twitter account.
A friend/former-co-worker introduced me to Ghetto Hikes. The creator says; "I'm 28. I have a full time job leading urban kids on nature hikes. I simply write down shit they say."

Some of my favorite tweets are:
-"Mr. Cody, pacifically what you mean when you say there wild animals up in here?"
-"Ernesto know all about plants n' fungi n' shit, his mama work at Subway."
-"Yo, how many stars up in here? Next time we campin' i'mma bring me a microscope, peep me some space."

He has nearly 306,000 followers.

So, my idea? "I Don't Think They Know", or "Parentally-Improper" , a Twitter account about all of the unintentionally hilarious, sexual innuendo-laced comments that my mom and dad say around the house and things they do.

For instance:
- "Open it up and see if you smell the nuts." (We were making granola.)
- "I like the bones...I really like the bones." (Mama was talking about chicken.)
- "I'mma get your daddy's meat." (Mama was talking about bacon.)

And today my mom basically jizzed on me with Glade warmer oil. It landed on my stomach and was warm....yeah. And just a minute ago as I hanged a painting, using daddy's power drill, mama said, "You're in a hurry to screw." Ha!

I think I might do this whole thing. These old people have me cracking up, and I feel the need to share.

Express Yo'self! (Kudos KC)

...whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

~ 1 Corinthians 10:31

I've been so blesssed to be able to experience all kinds of creative juices from various vines as of late.

Me, mama and daddy went to see Ladysmith Black Mambazo last night at the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts nd it was PHENOMENAL!!!!! I love their voices, their dances, their spirits. It was amazing....and KC? Kudos. BIG! Kudos. The Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts is crazy-adorably architectural. And the sound?!? Crazy awesome.

Oh, and let me back up. A few weeks ago I went to the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art's Romare Bearden exhibit. It was gorgeous and I even took a few pictures before the museum folks told me that they weren't allowed. He's one of my favorite artists. (*fist up*)

Then, fast forward to today and I volunteered to chaperone the kids on a trip to Kansas City's Union Station for Tavis Smiley's America I Am exhibit. The kids behaved very well and the exhibit was full of historical tidbits and had an amazing visual layout. The biggest surprise? (lol) If I had to compare my new kids' behavior to my old kids' behavior, I would have to say that my old kids have the new kids beat. :o) ...that makes me proud.

...and it also makes me realize that colored kids have GOT to be exposed to more than just the classroom. I swear, there is a direct correlation between where kids have been -- geographically and culturally -- and where they think they can go -- like, in life.

...just a miltant thought to round out this "cultural" blog post.

Thieves In The Temple

Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed...There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.
~1 Corinthians 12:1 & 4 (NIV)

So, for the past week there's been a HUGE drama unfolding at my parents' church: There's a raccoon -- or perhaps a family of them -- tearing up the attic.

This is HIGH-larious for the following reasons:

1. One of the deacons fell off the ladder.
2. Daddy said the following about the size of the raccoon they caught last night: "Maaaan, it looked like a dawg!"
3. The raccoon they caught the other day escaped from the cage.
4. The raccoon they caught the other day escaped from the cage right before daddy could shoot it.
5. Another of the deacons just called -- 9 a.m. on a Saturday -- to tell daddy that they caught another one last night.
...daddy just left with his gun.

Wednesdays Off

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
~Psalms 23:1 - 2

This is my third week of "work" as a librarian...and I am LOVING IT!
After nearly 3 years of hell, day in and day out, as an English teacher at a dysfunctional charter school, I have made it to my green pasture.

My schedule is awesome. Wednesdays off is just one of the perks:
My lunch break is an ENTIRE HOUR!!!!
I don't report to work until 8:30 a.m. on Tuesdays and I'm done at 2:30 p.m.
Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays I report at 7 a.m., leave at 3 p.m. ....and did I mention the hour-long lunch break?
Full benefits....Glo-raaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
I check in books, check out books, mentor a few kids in journalism (an extra duty I decided to take on), find books, gather research materials for teachers and deliver books...and get this, they PAY ME for it!

God is truly good aaaaaall the time...and all the time God is good.

The crazy thing is that at first, I felt bad about how awesome this job is and how much I enjoy it. I mean, leave it up to me to feel bad about not being stressed for once in my life as it relates to my job. (SMH) But, like Psalms 23:2 says, sometimes God has to "make you" lie down in the green pastures He's provided for you.

I'm sure glad he made me do it.

Ain't No Half-Steppin'!

If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. ~ Numbers 30:2
So, I've kept three of my 4 New Year's Resolutions and it's the 17th of January. Who says miracles don't happen?!
My resolutions? Well, one was to take better care of my skin. I'm 30 now. So it's all about one word: Moisturize! And I've done that consistently night and day...I've gone through half a tub of Vaseline and a tube of something from Mary Kay in the process, but I'm none-the-worse for wear.
Another one? Exercising. I've done two days on and one day off consistently for two weeks and I've lost 4 pounds. I didn't have a baseline for inch measurements, but I will by Sunday. (Go me!)
The third? To write a poem every month. I've really gotten out of practice lately and it's time for me to step up my creative expressions, especially now while I have the time (more on this in another post).
So, I keep getting letters of lies from that bastard on Da' Row (lol) and every now and then, it pisses me off....like tonight. So, even though he's not worth the ink, time, nor effort (...and I swear I'm going to stop writing about this idiot VERY soon...like, this is the last of it.) I wrote a poem about it....and here it goes.
It's called "Thanks"
I’m writing this to simply say thank you.
Thank you for ruining the allure of Sade and making me realize that there may be metacosmic meaning behind the fact that my copy of Aretha Franklin’s “Natural Woman” skips every time she sings about her soul in the lost-and-found.
Thank you.
Thank you for stripping away my insecurities just to layer on a new coat of them all, like a fixer-upper on the DIY channel. I realize that you are my Indian proverb, the metaphorical snake that I nurtured back to health in the home of my heart, knowing that, one day, your nature would get the best of you and I’d be bitten.
I was smitten.
Thank you.
Thank you for the empty words that I filled with feeling, hopes, dreams and meaning, fairy tales of no more failed relationships, singing soulful songs of soul-mating, masturbating to make-believe, cuming to conclusions that this, you, us, we, were the end of my dating days.
Thank you for the awakening.
I truly thank you, because as rude as that awakening was, it seemed polite in principle. Like a shotgun blast to the back of the head of a peacefully slumbering infant, you ended my dreams as well as my nightmares simultaneously, leaving only pieces of me.
…so thank you.

White People and White Stuff...everywhere

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

~ Proverbs 3:5

Two things:

1. It snowed and I had to drive in it. I haven't had to drive in snow in 12 years. It was weird.

Even weirder? The fact that we didn't get snow in Kansas until this week.

2. I went to my Big Brothers/Big Sisters orientation meeting the other day. Why was I the only black person there? Like, really? ...Black people? We have got to do better.

21 Questions...about Crime and Punishment

Then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment

~2 Peter 2:9

I'll be honest: If I could, I would personally insert the needle into that muthafucka's arm to administer every single chemical that causes a termination of life in regards to the justice system's administration of the death penalty.

...just saying.

I'm not a liar.

In the past two weeks or so I have had a police officer (who called me daily and talked about "love and happiness" and "real connections" but who, I later found out, has THREE different aliases that he gives women) AND a death row inmate (I have more than 150 pages of written lies from more than a year's worth of correspondence from this rat bastard) to me about their marital status while they acted as if they were interested in me.

This don't say shit about my self worth, but most definitely speaks volumes about these fools' morals.

...quite simply, they are fucked up individuals.

Period.

So, in response to the death row inmates/ex-fiance' trying to (POORLY!) explain his "real intentions", I have two responses.

1) 21 questions

2) A good dose of "lettin' alone"

Here are the questions:

1. Have you really found the Lord?

2. How did you all meet?

3. When did you all meet?

4. How often do you write her?

5. Why does she know about me, but I don't know about her?

6. How do/did you know she and I talked?

7. Why is she claiming to be your wife?

8. Do you tell her the same things you tell me?

9. Why did you continue writing me when I asked about staying in contact after school ended?

10. Is she your soul mate?

11. How many times has she visited you?

12. What is your relationship with her (past, present, future)?

13. Do you have romantic feelings for her?

14. How do you feel about her?

15. Have you proposed to her?

16. How many other women do you write to?

17. How many other women have you proposed to?

18. How many other women are you in love with/told that you love them?

19. How many other women are your soul mate?

20. How many other women are there?

21. Why did you feel you had to lie?

...at the risk of sounding melodramatic (I just finished watching Mommy Dearest) I'd have to say that the death row inmate's greatest crime was not one of written law, but a crime of the heart, for he, quite possibly, killed my ability to love, to feel.