Another year is a comin'...glory hallelujah!

He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
~Psalms 40:2

OK, so I'm better now. :o)

Thinking back over the year and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that I've re-realized that I am truly blessed.

Even in sorrowful times, I am blessed and the Lord is definitely my rock.

He keeps on making a way for me, looking out for me and loving me more than I love myself...and that's all that really matters.

...and as my sweet little nephew reminded me this morning when he called and sang a song, "You look so much better when you smile."

Fröhliches Weihnachten (or Merry Christmas in German)

And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

2 Corinthians 11:14

So...who's the biggest fucking fool in the world right now?

Ummm, that would be me.

I don't think anyone even reads this blog, so I'll be very very blunt.

I am stoopid.

My legs are numb and all I want to do is go get drunk.

Long story short? The "love of my life" who's on death row in San Quentin is married to a 50 year old German woman who just recently contacted me because of a post I put on a human rights site regarding the mail situation at San Quentin Prison.

They've been married for a year. She's visited him more than 9 times....and get this, he told her about him writing the kids...so why the fuck would you not tell me that you're FUCKING MARRIED?!

Cot damn it! How the fuck do you get played by a death row inmate? Like, really? REALLY?!

I tell ya what, relationships and me just, just, ...fuck it.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,
Philippians 1:9

Maybe I'm crazy...

Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:5-6

So, apparently, I've gone insane. I'm in love with an author, a poet, a free-thinker, a militantly-minded spirit who I know if my soul mate.


We have our own set of issues: it's a long-distance relationship; he's 21 years my senior...and oh yeah, he's on death row.

But, like Jill Scott says in Womanifesto, I am a woman with a heart that "loves wholly and completely. Whom it may choose. Whomever it may choose". And my heart and soul love him completely.

We're engaged to be married.


I've told a few of my friends. Some of them are supportive. Some, not so much. All of them are a little shocked.

The non-supportive ones, I know, are truly just loving me the best way they know how. I know this, but it doesn't make it any less disappointing when they "disapprove".

My best friend had this to say via text: "Just thinking. About you. While I will respect and support your decisions because I love you, I must also be a voice of reason because I care. Please do not "settle" for anything less than you deserve. You are an amazing woman worthy of the world. That being said, only you know what you are willing to accept. I will always love you for being a daring woman. Make sure that this is the leap you want to take. I'm down for you regardless."

My mentor suggested that I see a therapist.

We met up for dinner and while catching up he said that I might want to seek professional help with "figuring out why (I'm) doing this."

My answer is simple: It's love.

Oh yeah, I made it to Kansas!

And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God. Blessed shalt thou be in the city, and blessed shalt thou be in the field...Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

Deuteronomy 28: 2-3, 6

So, mama was right: I should've taken a picture in front of the U-Haul. Ha!

Long story short, we -- me, mama and daddy -- packed up the apartment in Baton Rouge and rolled out to Kansas City on Wednesday.



I drove my SUV the ENTIRE FRIGGIN' WAY! With restroom stops -- I caught a turrrible case of the BG's in Arkansas (TMI, I know.) -- and stops for fuel, it took 15 and a half hours. We left at 4 a.m. and got home at 7:30 p.m.

I had beaucoup Raphael Saadiq CD's on rotation (Yes, "CD's" I have a 6-disc changer in my SUV, plus I'm old school with music -- I don't own an iPod), Ajani's letters from San Quentin in the passenger seat and my eyes on the road.

As the old folks say, "Praise the Lord for the angels of mercy and travelin' grace."

Now, I've just got to figure out where to put all of this stuff.

18th & Vine

"Yet the LORD will command his lovingkindness in the day time, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life."
Psalm 42:8 (KJV)

Last night was my first night out on the town as a "reinstated Kansas Citian" and I had an awesome time.

The crowd was thoroughly mixed -- a lot of Asian folks, older white folks, young and not-so-young black folks -- and the music was amazing.

The 18th & Vine District is one of my favorite locales. The music. The history. The feel of it all.

Tonight? Dinner with my mentor.

Today? Going to get fingerprinted for the new J-O-B....yep. This sabbatical ended up being a 4-week-long vacay instead.

More on that to come.

:o)

Gimme My MONEY!

Owe no man anything, but to love one another: for he that loves another has fulfilled the law.
~ Romans 13:8

So, this post is a bit late, but I'm going to share anyway. The charter school organization who used to employ me (and which will remain nameless :o) ) told me I could pick up my final check on the 15th after 12 p.m.

I showed up at 12:38 p.m.

No one was in the office....no one. I knocked. I banged. I called.

Nothing.

There was no way that I was leaving without my money, so I peaked in all of the blinds alllll around the building.

In the back, I peeped a young woman and motioned for her to come to the door.

"I don't work here. They're all at the Christmas party."

"Christmas party?" I replied.

"Yeah. They're in the building over there, in the back."

So I began the second stage of my reconnaissance mission: Find Christmas party.

I hear cackling from the Harpies of HR coming from a building that had all heavily tinted windows. Before I could knock, two of the Harpies exit the door.



The facilities manager is holding the door for them.

I peak my head around as not to scare them. "Hi."

"May I help you?"

"Yes," I say in my most professional voice (Never mind I was wearing a Cookie Monster T-shirt). "I'm here to pick up my final check."

One of the Harpies walks me back to the building I came from. (Mind you, this has become a 20 minute ordeal by this point.)

She asks my name and fingers through some envelopes behind the unmanned front desk.

"Here you go."

I honestly was expecting a 50-cent check....like, not a "Go shawty, it's ya birf-day" kind of 50-cent check....but like, a check that was worth half of $1.

To my surprise, it was $34.48....I thought so, I thought.

Upon closer inspection I notice that this is a reimbursement for posters I bought with my own money earlier in the year.

I email the Head Harpy of HR. She tells me that they mailed my final check.

...so, whhhhhy did you say I had to pick up my final check? ...Oh yeah, because you're disorganized.

Sabbatical: "Work" It Out!

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
~ Ephesians 3: 20 - 21

Y'all.

God be showing up and showing out. So, clearly, this is my sabbatical blog. The etymology of sabbatical goes something like this: from Latin sabbaticus, from Greek sabbatikos, from Hebrew shabbat, i.e., sabbatical, literally a "ceasing".

It is a rest from work, or a hiatus, often lasting from two months to a year.

Mine, in essence looks like it's "technically" coming to an end. I'm going to be a librarian assistant y'all.

God show up and showed out. I interviewed for two positions -- Jobs everywhere, jobs everywhere! (See Big Freedia) -- back home in Kansas on Thursday.

The one I really really really wanted, I got. Glo-raaaaaaaay!

Thirty hours, full benefits. The Lord knew I was concerned about benefits and while I was trying to figure it out, He had already worked it out.

I won't be teaching, but I'll be working in a school, helping children with writing and reading...and did I say NOT TEACHING! :o)

A Symbol of Our Love

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
~ Romans 12: 10 - 12

I am sooooo in love. It's an agape love. A put you to bed and wake you up with a smile kind of love...a love that knows no boundaries -- not physical, not spiritual, not mental, not emotional.

A love that wraps you and lifts you and makes you dizzy.

...and yesterday I got the ring to symbolize it.

I had to laugh. Like his love for me, it's too big. :) It's only a 6 and a half, but still. Anyhoo, I've been glowing like a lightning bug since the man at Zales let me put it on my finger.

Y'all, pray that I get to see him in March....that's the plan anyway.

Yesterday, I turned 30

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

~ 1 Corinthians 13:13

So, I'll make this quick.

Yesterday was awesome.

(I am having a "First-World" problem: My computer is broken and at Best Buy so I'm on my homegirl Ashley's computer.)

I ate, drank and was merry.....verrrrrry merry...and got a bomb-ass massage from my physical therapist Latifah...I call her Queen Latifah. Yes indeed.

But the best gift of all? Ajani Addae Kamara, my fiancé, sent me my visitation approval letter....yeah, that's a long story but I'm soooo happy....joyful actually.

I'll be flying to California to see him on March 3 and 4.

Woo hoo! Happy 30th to me.

So You Want Me To Stay?

But you saved us from our enemies. You put to shame those who hate us.

-- Psalm 44:7

This is the update regarding my meeting with my former boss.

It's simple and God gets all of the glory: after so much mistreatment by this organization, guess what happened.

My former organization offered me a $2,000 bonus to stay employed with them.

And who suggested this? The head of Human Resources.

This is the same head of Human Resources, who just last month told my principal to fire me on the spot because I asked a question about when we'd receive our bonuses from last year.

...I'm not going back.

I'm moving on.

The official move date is Dec. 20.

Merry Christmas to me!

I Sing Freedom!

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.

-- Psalm 100: 1 - 2

I am more than thankful to God for the strength to endure as long as I did, for His power and all of the great things he has in store for me, for the way He ALWAYS has my back and for His holy wisdom in leading me and directing my path and my footsteps.

So, yeah, I've got a song -- actually, lots of songs.

Somebody else wrote a song about it. Like to hear 'em? Here dey go!

1. Keep on Pushing by The Impressions


2. Freedom by George Michael



3. Spaceship by Kanye West

4. Control by Janet Jackson

5. Zoom by The Commodores


6. Shove this Jay Oh Bee by Biz Markie


7. Shackles (Praise You) by Mary Mary



8. I Want To Be Free by The Ohio Players




9. The Blessing of Abraham by Donald Lawrence




10. Liberation by Outkast featuring Dungeon Family and Erykah Badu

My Bundle of Joy

so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

1 Corinthians 2:5 (NIV)

I didn't go out in a blaze of glory, but I sure as hell felt like I was in a movie where the gangsta-ass, cool dude walks away and doesn't look at the explosion.

Long story short, I've been planning to quit my job since September. I had planned to put in my 2-weeks notice when we returned from the Christmas break.

I just could NOT make it two more weeks until Christmas.

The straw that broke the camel's back came on Monday.

I was a teacher. So, imagine my surprise when I get to school to find out that the administration has locked me out of my classroom -- get this -- because they think I have a master key.

...don't make no sense, does it?

So, I quit.

I already had my letter of resignation typed up and printed out, so the transition was smooth.

I don't have kids, but it's felt like having a baby. The "doctor" gave it a "due date" but God had other plans and so, fully developed, it came a little bit "earlier than expected"....and that's just fine with me.

I'm cherishing my bundle of joy.

...and I can't wait to go home.

Entering the Lions' Den

So the king gave the order, and they brought Daniel and threw him into the lions’ den. The king said to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, rescue you!”
-- Daniel 6:16 (NIV)

I quit my job two days ago.

And since then I've packed four boxes, and have drunk half a bottle of Jameson.

This is living.

Seriously.

My To Do list is a page and a half long and I'm crossing things off of it with ferocity.

Today? I'm headed to noonday Bible study and then, like Daniel, I'm entering the lion's den: I have to go back to work to turn in items that belong to the school -- a laptop, a room key and my grade book.

My key no longer works for the door.

The laptop just recently -- or should I say "finally" -- got repaired on Halloween after being broken for two months.

And! My grade book, unbeknownst to them, is sans grades. Ha!

I'm going to Bible study FIRST because, as I told a good friend: "I need a fresh coating of Jesus before I walk back in that place."

I'll let y'all know how it goes.